a brief hiatus from explaining myself
I am taking a break from my online writing group. This is a very difficult thing for me to do, because most of us have been communicating online and writing together for ten years. We are like family. But here's the thing. Actually, here are the two things. Thing one: I have been emptying my mental cup in small drips, dropping off one-liners, brief comments, a paragraph here and a paragraph there, as I think of it. I've spilled all my words without having concentrated long enough to write anything I'm particularly proud of for some time. This bothers me. I want to fill up again, let the words rumble around inside me a bit, and come out making more sense, having a point.
And thing two, the worse thing: I got into an online tit-for-tat with a woman over political jokes. I have a biting sense of humor sometimes, especially when I am frustrated, spiritually, emotionaly, politically, with The Way Things Are in this country right now. However, I have never, and would never, attack someone personally for their politics (or anything else for that matter). I have family and friends who are of vastly different political mindsets, and we banter in this way all the time without loss of love or limb. For me, the minor complaints and jokes are a tiny crack in the sidewalk, a miniscule valve, letting out some small amount of the ocean liner of steam that has been building inside me since Bush took office. I was careful to pepper any comment that might've possibly given any sort of offence with don't-take-offence emoticons and other indicators that I'm just venting a bit. But this woman took umbrage. I tried to explain myself in what felt like a hundred thousand words because that's what I do. I desire understanding. Her hackles went up more. My hackles went up more. Until I decided that I did not have the energy, or feel the need, to defend myself against someone hell bent on calling me a bad, bad person because I made an unruly political comment. I have temporarily lost enthusiasm for posting to this group of caring, intelligent people who like to discuss many things, but which is being held hostage by the never-ending pique of one person.
Here's the thing for me. Should I call this thing three? It is beyond frustrating to live in a country whose government does not in any way represent my political or spiritual beliefs. I don't believe in killing. Period. I don't believe in retaliation--not on a small, personal scale and not on a grand scale. In my world, justice comes to all of us. Call it karma. Call it heaven and hell. Call it God's wrath. Call it whatever works for you, but justice comes. And I am not the judge, nor the jury, nor most especially the executioner. Retaliating puts me on a level I am constantly trying to rise above. The desire to retaliate--and believe me, I have burned with it the normal human number of times--drags me into a pit that I hope to scramble out of in this life or possibly the next. Everyday, I go into the world having these beliefs. Yet everyday I listen to NPR for the body count being "accomplished" in my name. For my sake! For my protection! I take on new levels of frustration with each passing day, month, year, and war is just the big issue. I could go on and on about other small and not-so-small issues. Suffice it to say, I need a small expulsion of angst at the political machine from time to time, in a safe environment, where people love me and understand. Except one person, which brings this rant back around to where I started.
I'll go back to the group after I recharge. After I get comfortable, again, with putting words to thoughts in a way that makes me happy. After I make more time to take some positive action instead of just venting on the political front.
And thing two, the worse thing: I got into an online tit-for-tat with a woman over political jokes. I have a biting sense of humor sometimes, especially when I am frustrated, spiritually, emotionaly, politically, with The Way Things Are in this country right now. However, I have never, and would never, attack someone personally for their politics (or anything else for that matter). I have family and friends who are of vastly different political mindsets, and we banter in this way all the time without loss of love or limb. For me, the minor complaints and jokes are a tiny crack in the sidewalk, a miniscule valve, letting out some small amount of the ocean liner of steam that has been building inside me since Bush took office. I was careful to pepper any comment that might've possibly given any sort of offence with don't-take-offence emoticons and other indicators that I'm just venting a bit. But this woman took umbrage. I tried to explain myself in what felt like a hundred thousand words because that's what I do. I desire understanding. Her hackles went up more. My hackles went up more. Until I decided that I did not have the energy, or feel the need, to defend myself against someone hell bent on calling me a bad, bad person because I made an unruly political comment. I have temporarily lost enthusiasm for posting to this group of caring, intelligent people who like to discuss many things, but which is being held hostage by the never-ending pique of one person.
Here's the thing for me. Should I call this thing three? It is beyond frustrating to live in a country whose government does not in any way represent my political or spiritual beliefs. I don't believe in killing. Period. I don't believe in retaliation--not on a small, personal scale and not on a grand scale. In my world, justice comes to all of us. Call it karma. Call it heaven and hell. Call it God's wrath. Call it whatever works for you, but justice comes. And I am not the judge, nor the jury, nor most especially the executioner. Retaliating puts me on a level I am constantly trying to rise above. The desire to retaliate--and believe me, I have burned with it the normal human number of times--drags me into a pit that I hope to scramble out of in this life or possibly the next. Everyday, I go into the world having these beliefs. Yet everyday I listen to NPR for the body count being "accomplished" in my name. For my sake! For my protection! I take on new levels of frustration with each passing day, month, year, and war is just the big issue. I could go on and on about other small and not-so-small issues. Suffice it to say, I need a small expulsion of angst at the political machine from time to time, in a safe environment, where people love me and understand. Except one person, which brings this rant back around to where I started.
I'll go back to the group after I recharge. After I get comfortable, again, with putting words to thoughts in a way that makes me happy. After I make more time to take some positive action instead of just venting on the political front.
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