jerry crosses the rainbow bridge

I think I can finally write about this. I had to take our old kitty, Jerry, for one final visit to the vet last Thursday. I had taken him the week before and we knew he was in pretty bad shape, but the vet felt like we could give him antibiotics for a week and see what happened. For several weeks now, Jerry has been the most loving lap cat. Everytime we sat down, he was on a lap, purring. Lee gave him endless "hair pullies" which is Jerry's most favorite kind of attention. If we were in the kitchen, Jerry would come in and lie at our feet and purr. He seemed to know what was coming and seemed calm, accepting, even peaceful. Not once did he act anxious or agitated. We gave him every kind of special yummy thing we could think of, and even made him broth at the end, but he eventually stopped eating altogether. Finally, on Thursday, I just knew that it was Jerry's time. I couldn't stand to watch him suffer and I could tell from that point on, there was going to be suffering. Son could not face going with me. Lee stayed home to dig Jerry a grave. (I couldn't face that part of it. He also cleared away all of the cat bowls and cat stuff while I was gone, which was very thoughtful of him.) I went to the vet with Jerry. I held him as he labored to breath, as the first shot of anesthesia went in and he rested his head heavily on my arm, and as the vet administered the final shot and his rapid little heart stopped beating. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I cried and cried and cried and cried. We buried him under the pine tree, a piece of carved limestone covering him.

I still can't believe he is gone sometimes. As quiet as a cat is, it is still too quiet without him. I go out and place some fresh flowers under the pine, although I know in my heart that Jerry is not there, that it's just a place to remember him. I wonder where his spirit is now. I think about death and life and love, about the experiences that every little creature that enters our lives brings to our lives. I am without a pet for one of the very few times in my life and I wonder if I can even go through this again. Jerry was a good cat and we will always remember him.