too many changes
My coworker who is like a brother to me is leaving for another job on the east coast. I'm very happy for him, but I'm very sad for me. I like some change. I'm relatively adaptable. But this, along with some other things, is stretching into my discomfort zone.
Another change, among many recent changes, has to do with some switch-over in our retirement funds, requiring a set of choices on my part. I'd just made some choices regarding this stuff in the past year or two, and I wanted to make no more choices for awhile. I'm already moderately obsessed with checking my retirement funds, and have to force myself to only check them once a month, and even this is probably too much. The changes, month to month, are not going to make the difference between retire tomorrow/not retire tomorrow. It's as if I'm hoping for a miracle to occur. Sometimes I can't stop myself from checking on the status of this miracle mid-month as well.
I'm also rather obsessed with retirement calculators. I try different calculators. I toy with different hypotheticals. And in the end, my verdict is always the same: I don't know. I don't know when I'll die. I don't know how much it's going to cost to live until that point. I don't know how long my fairly hearty good health will hold. I don't know if the world is going to burn up and oranges will suddenly be rare and costly. I don't know SO many things, and so how do I know when, in my spreadsheets, I am looking at a good balance between retirement savings and remaining life? It feels like the biggest crap shoot ever if one is not extremely wealthy.
Every payday I go through this. Every time there is a huge change at work, I go through this. Every time I wake up on a Monday morning thinking I just can't anymore, I go through this. Today is payday AND Monday AND change is afoot, so I'm probably more anxious than usual.
Another change, among many recent changes, has to do with some switch-over in our retirement funds, requiring a set of choices on my part. I'd just made some choices regarding this stuff in the past year or two, and I wanted to make no more choices for awhile. I'm already moderately obsessed with checking my retirement funds, and have to force myself to only check them once a month, and even this is probably too much. The changes, month to month, are not going to make the difference between retire tomorrow/not retire tomorrow. It's as if I'm hoping for a miracle to occur. Sometimes I can't stop myself from checking on the status of this miracle mid-month as well.
I'm also rather obsessed with retirement calculators. I try different calculators. I toy with different hypotheticals. And in the end, my verdict is always the same: I don't know. I don't know when I'll die. I don't know how much it's going to cost to live until that point. I don't know how long my fairly hearty good health will hold. I don't know if the world is going to burn up and oranges will suddenly be rare and costly. I don't know SO many things, and so how do I know when, in my spreadsheets, I am looking at a good balance between retirement savings and remaining life? It feels like the biggest crap shoot ever if one is not extremely wealthy.
Every payday I go through this. Every time there is a huge change at work, I go through this. Every time I wake up on a Monday morning thinking I just can't anymore, I go through this. Today is payday AND Monday AND change is afoot, so I'm probably more anxious than usual.
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