The partner, bless his heart (and I say that as I would say it to someone who means well but is getting on my last nerve all the same), sees doom and gloom for this outdoor backyard wedding. I know I tend to be irritatingly optimistic sometimes, but come on people, it doesn't rain every day of the year in Indiana, and there's a perfectly good chance it won't rain on June 7th. But he foresees rain. And mud. He always mentions mud, as if the deluge will be so great the very lawn itself will wash away down to topsoil. And rain it could be--I'm well aware of that--and that is why I reserved the God Awful Giant (GAG) tent, just in case. Next it was the septic. I've already spent too much valuable space in the blog-o-sphere discussing my septic system, but suffice it to say that even though I found the lid (at the cost of upper back pain which continues to this day), dug out the lid, and had the septic system serviced, he is still convinced it will fail. I can but sigh. Yesterday he decided that the location of the tent and dining tables is all wrong. The ground is too uneven. Havoc will prevail. It will not do to have the tables there, and they should be placed on a) the driveway or b) the hideous upper part of the yard on the other side of the driveway where we have our storage sheds and a lot of stuff like a giant metal break, some old tires, a rotting car top carrier, tomato cages, some old blue tarps, the compost pile, and other utter crap, all littered around on sparse, half-dead grass and some scraggly trees. It's flat, though. This plan does not meet with my approval on so many levels that I was left speechless at his suggestion. Not to mention that I have so much sweat equity in the part of the yard we use for enjoyment, the part of the yard that is green and lush and surrounded by gardens, the part which I have been breaking my back to make beautiful, partly for the wedding and partly because this is what I do every year, a labor of love. The ground
is somewhat uneven in the spot we would need to put the GAG tent, but not so uneven that mom is going to fall off her chair or anything. There are flatter areas where we can seat the elderly or infirm. We can pass out shims to everyone as they come in. Here's a flower... and a shim for your chair leg. Instead of having a bouquet toss, we'll just let the single women catch a centerpiece as it slides off the table. I did not make these suggestions out loud. I didn't think it would help difuse the situation. I had to put my foot down but I did it in a nice way, because I am hell bent on family harmony throughout this process. I listened patiently to his suggestions, and to my credit I did not scream, "Are you nuts?!" which, honestly, was the first thing that came to mind after I regathered my wits. "What will you think of next," I very briefly considered saying but kept my smartie pants mouth shut, "plague of locusts?" I'm not going to celebrate my nuptials out by the compost pile. I'm just not. Outdoor wedding--it's been done before, folks, on uneven surfaces.
The partner, bless his heart (and I say that as I would say it to someone who means well but is getting on my last nerve all the same), sees doom and gloom for this outdoor backyard wedding. I know I tend to be irritatingly optimistic sometimes, but come on people, it doesn't rain every day of the year in Indiana, and there's a perfectly good chance it won't rain on June 7th. But he foresees rain. And mud. He always mentions mud, as if the deluge will be so great the very lawn itself will wash away down to topsoil. And rain it could be--I'm well aware of that--and that is why I reserved the God Awful Giant (GAG) tent, just in case. Next it was the septic. I've already spent too much valuable space in the blog-o-sphere discussing my septic system, but suffice it to say that even though I found the lid (at the cost of upper back pain which continues to this day), dug out the lid, and had the septic system serviced, he is still convinced it will fail. I can but sigh. Yesterday he decided that the location of the tent and dining tables is all wrong. The ground is too uneven. Havoc will prevail. It will not do to have the tables there, and they should be placed on a) the driveway or b) the hideous upper part of the yard on the other side of the driveway where we have our storage sheds and a lot of stuff like a giant metal break, some old tires, a rotting car top carrier, tomato cages, some old blue tarps, the compost pile, and other utter crap, all littered around on sparse, half-dead grass and some scraggly trees. It's flat, though. This plan does not meet with my approval on so many levels that I was left speechless at his suggestion. Not to mention that I have so much sweat equity in the part of the yard we use for enjoyment, the part of the yard that is green and lush and surrounded by gardens, the part which I have been breaking my back to make beautiful, partly for the wedding and partly because this is what I do every year, a labor of love. The ground is somewhat uneven in the spot we would need to put the GAG tent, but not so uneven that mom is going to fall off her chair or anything. There are flatter areas where we can seat the elderly or infirm. We can pass out shims to everyone as they come in. Here's a flower... and a shim for your chair leg. Instead of having a bouquet toss, we'll just let the single women catch a centerpiece as it slides off the table. I did not make these suggestions out loud. I didn't think it would help difuse the situation. I had to put my foot down but I did it in a nice way, because I am hell bent on family harmony throughout this process. I listened patiently to his suggestions, and to my credit I did not scream, "Are you nuts?!" which, honestly, was the first thing that came to mind after I regathered my wits. "What will you think of next," I very briefly considered saying but kept my smartie pants mouth shut, "plague of locusts?" I'm not going to celebrate my nuptials out by the compost pile. I'm just not. Outdoor wedding--it's been done before, folks, on uneven surfaces.
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