fifty years in the rearview
I am fifty today. I celebrated with some friends and family Saturday night at a warm, fun local restaurant with good food and wine. I've done a lot of crazy, dangerous, and sometimes stupid things in my life. I have survived things that have killed people. So waking up this morning having made it through a half century of living feels like no small miracle. I'm happy and healthy and whole and loved. What more could a person ask for? My mom gave me a card with pictures of myself at about 2 and 3 years old. Very funny to see my small baby-fat self in my little blue dress and my bangs trimmed so short they were nearly to my hairline. My mother claims that I would never sit still, forcing her to keep evening them up until they were half an inch long. I would buy this story, I have always had a hard time sitting still. But there I was 48 years later looking at my big smile and my funny bangs and my fat little cheeks, same gap in my two front teeth that I have to this day.
I want to squeeze Little Julie's chubby dimpled knees and tell her that although life will be a real bitch some years, everything will be ok when you are fifty. Really. You will find yourself healthy and whole and loved, and you will recognize that fact and you will be filled with gratitude. You will be happy. Your mother, despite the ups and downs in your relationship, will be your biggest supporter and friend. It will all work out once you both grow up. She will write you a letter on your fiftieth birthday that will make you cry tears of joy.
And sweetheart, you will have two sons who will alternately reduce you to a blubbering wreck and lift you to the highest heights of love. They will define your life. They will help you define yourself and everything that is important to you. You will have a life partner who loves you. I won't go into the gory details leading up to this place--it's not all pretty--but trust, just trust. Good things, bad things, all kinds of things happen and you will survive it all.
Life will be adventurous, heartbreaking, lovely, joyful, hard, beautiful, poignant, and always always interesting. Everything will come out ok at fifty. So keep smiling, Little Julie. And carry on.
I want to squeeze Little Julie's chubby dimpled knees and tell her that although life will be a real bitch some years, everything will be ok when you are fifty. Really. You will find yourself healthy and whole and loved, and you will recognize that fact and you will be filled with gratitude. You will be happy. Your mother, despite the ups and downs in your relationship, will be your biggest supporter and friend. It will all work out once you both grow up. She will write you a letter on your fiftieth birthday that will make you cry tears of joy.
And sweetheart, you will have two sons who will alternately reduce you to a blubbering wreck and lift you to the highest heights of love. They will define your life. They will help you define yourself and everything that is important to you. You will have a life partner who loves you. I won't go into the gory details leading up to this place--it's not all pretty--but trust, just trust. Good things, bad things, all kinds of things happen and you will survive it all.
Life will be adventurous, heartbreaking, lovely, joyful, hard, beautiful, poignant, and always always interesting. Everything will come out ok at fifty. So keep smiling, Little Julie. And carry on.
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